Because You Don’t Love Me.

I knew Josh and Jake for years. They were “that” couple, always together, always holding hands, giving each other kisses, never going anywhere without each other. They were cute and it made everyone around them happy to see how in love they were.  It was sad for me to find out that Josh got a job in Massachusetts and that they would be moving there. Josh left first. Jake was taking some classes at Columbia and decided to stay until they would be over before relocating. 

Josh found an amazing two bedroom apartment. He furnished it and made the extra room into a studio for Jake (he was a painter). Soon I was saying good bye to Jake and promising him that I would visit them all the time, and that in the summer we can still rent a small house in Mexico, and that I loved him, and that everything was going to work out. I could tell that he was nervous about the move. He loved New York City. He moved to New York straight after High School and for the first time was able to be himself. He grew up in Texas and often told me that he didn’t know how to breath freely until he was in New York. I hugged my dear friend, he got on a bus and was gone.

About three months later I got a phone call in the middle of the night. It was Jake. He was very upset telling me that Josh doesn’t love him anymore and that their relationship is ending. I asked him why did he think that Josh didn’t love him anymore and he couldn’t come up with an answer, he was just convinced that Josh didn’t love him. “I think that you are just freaking out because you are new to this place. You don’t have any friends yet, you don’t have a job. Josh goes to work every day leaving you all by yourself. You need to get out. Go walk around, go to a museum, go make some friends, paint! Do what you normally do. You will be fine. I’m sure that you are just convincing yourself that all these bad things are happening because you are bored.” I told him. He thanked me for listening and promised that he was going to try not to get so depressed.

I called to check on him in a few weeks and he seemed fine, not exactly happy, but fine. I figured that he was working on it and that soon everything will be the way it always has been – Josh and Jake, always together, always in love.

Few months later I was cleaning out my apartment when the door bell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone on a Sunday evening. When I opened the door it was Jake. He was shaking, his eyes were red. I sat him down on my couch, pored him a glass of vine and demanded for him to tell me everything that has happened.

After our phone call he tried to be understanding and supportive. He watched Josh go to work every morning and come back late at night. He painted in his studio, cooked dinners, cleaned the apartment. Noting that he did could take away the loneliness that he was feeling. Back in New York Josh and him met each other for lunch, always had dinner together, went out after work. But when they moved, all of that stopped. They only saw each other at night and any time Josh wanted to go out, Jake just didn’t feel like it. The depression was getting stronger and stronger. Jake became absolutely convinced that Josh felt no love towards him anymore. So when Josh went out on a business trip, Jake packed his bags and left. He called Josh and told him that he was leaving him. When Josh asked why, Jake told him “Because you don’t love me.” That was it for Jake and Josh.

When Jake finished telling me his story I didn’t know what to say. “How can you be sure that he doesn’t love you? Have you ever told him about the way you feel? Or ask him?” I said to him. “No. I just can’t help the way I feel.” He answered. I didn’t really know what kind of advice I could give him, I didn’t understand the situation.

Later that night, when I was in bed, I thought about Jake and Josh. I felt sad that they were no longer together. The more I though about them, the more I realized that it was Jake who didn’t want to be with Josh anymore. He just couldn’t leave without an excuse, so he subcontiously convinced himself that Josh didn’t love him anymore so he wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving. So far I’ve been trying to understand Jake, make him feel better, but what about Josh? How does he feel now? I reached out to my night table for my cell phone.

For My Best Friend.

Jasmine and I have been best friends since freshman year in High School. She was actually the first person I met when my family moved to New York. People say that for some reason when two girls hang out together they begin to talk alike, dress alike, look alike. They simply become sisters. That was definitely true when it came to Jasmine and me. We resembled each other in every way: both skinny blond girls who liked the same style clothes, who read the same books, watched the same movies. We were one. After High School we went to different colleges, however that did not change anything in our friendship. We became roommates and even closer friends than we ever were before.

There was only one thing that we did not agree on. I always dated men that were older than me. I liked the fact that I was able to learn from them. I went out with artists, musicians, business men. I dated those who I would be able to have conversations with for hours about the most interesting subjects like art, music, films, Europe, travel, other cultures. I will not say that looks didn’t matter to me, but the inside beauty was definitely more important. 

Jasmine saw the dating scene differently. She loved men with beautiful bodies, that went to the gym every day. She didn’t care if the person had education or if the person would be able to cary on a fascinating conversation. For her, physical attraction was the most important thing, even if that attraction only lasted a few weeks. Jasmine had no luck when it came to men. Every single guy that she has ever dated was either an ex junkie, and ex con or and ex alcoholic. However ex didn’t always mean ex. As soon as she was once again sucked in to one of her relationships, ex became present and then there were fights, tears, depression and heartbreaks. 

I wasn’t surprised when she told me that she started dating Jake. We all went to the same High School and Jake was trouble. He started missing school and drinking during his freshman year. Then he began smoking pot. Then he started doing ecstasy and acid. Then it was coke and heroine. It took him six years to graduate, of coarse he didn’t go to college and didn’t stay at one job longer than a few months. When Jasmine and Jake bumped into each other he was clean. By that time he stopped doing drugs and drinking. He went to rehab and was a completely different person. I began to think that I should really give a guy a break and reconsider my opinion about him.

Their relationship was blossoming. He gave her flowers and took her on dates. He made her happy. Even though I thought that he was extremely dumb I kept that to myself. It’s not like I had to have conversations with him. Their relationship worked for Jasmine and that was all I cared about. They were together for a year when Jasmine got pregnant. I was in shock. She was my best friend. I was going to do everything to help her. 

It might sound harsh, but I didn’t expect her to keep the baby. Right before she got pregnant, she was going to break up with Jake. She told me that she was getting tiered of him and wanted to be single again. Jake got her pregnant on purpose. She wasn’t on the pill so they used condoms. When Jasmine told Jake that she was leaving him he begged for one more night together. She agreed. Needless to say, that night Jake did not use a condom. When she found out that she was going to be a mommy she didn’t not know what to do. Jake begged her to have the baby. He told her that he will find a better job, he will do everything she wants, he will be an amazing father and husband. So nine months later Jasmine gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

Jasmine and Jake found a beautiful big apartment. I lost a roommate, but gained a godson. First six months Jake did exactly what he promised. He found a great job in sales. He was a good provider for the family. However, not a good father. He never stayed with his son alone, he never gave his son a bath, he never got up in the middle of the night when his baby boy was crying. 

Then everything started to change. He started coming home late. The money started to disappear from their bank account. His behavior changed. One day he came home drunk. They had a big fight and Jake promised that it would never happen again, but it did. Soon enough it was happening all the time. 

Jasmine called me in tears one day. She has walked in on Jake shooting up in their bathroom. She wanted an advice, she wanted me to tell her what to do. I didn’t know. I told her what I would’ve done. Leave. It took Jasmine two more months to make a final decision. The final straw was Jake pawning in her engagement ring. One Wednesday, while Jake was at work, I came to her house early in the morning. We packed all of her and her son’s things. We left Jake a note. I drove her to the airport. Just like that my best friend was gone from New York City, gone from her horrible relationship. She went to Florida where her mom and her grandma were waiting for her. 

It was strange to watch her go. It was strange, but it was the right thing to do. She called me when she landed. She was very depressed and scared. She was scared that she will never find anyone normal, anyone who will love her and her son. I told her that I loved her very much and that she should not worry about anything. She should just settle in, go back to college, try to get used to her new life. She said that no one wants a girl with a baby. I told her that my mom and my dad got divorced when I was only two. My mom found my step father who is an amazing person, who loves my mom and me more than anyone has ever loved us before. I told her that she had to be strong.  She cried on the phone for a while. She promised to call me every day and I promised to visit them very soon. 

Addiction.

Brad and Lucy have been friends for years. They met during one of their friend’s parties and hit it off very well. Lucy was in a serious relationship at the time and Brad was married. They became really close friends. Years passed and Brad’s wife divorced him. Lucy and her fiance broke up. They both dated other people for a while until finally realizing that they were meant to be together. Brad and Lucy became an item.

They were friends for so long that they knew each other’s every single pet peeve, every single secret and every single turn on. Because of that, their relationship was blossoming right from the beginning. Lucy had a five year old son who adored Brad. Brad, in return, loved little David as well and always had a blast spending time with him. Lucy couldn’t have been happier. 

Brad and Lucy were together for a year before Brad brought up moving in together. To his surprise Lucy wasn’t very thrilled about that idea. He asked for an explanation. She told him that she just wasn’t ready to take their relationship to that level yet. She didn’t want David to get too attached to Brad, it will break David’s heart if one day Brad decides to leave. Brad in return explained to her that he will never leave. He loves her and David, they are his family now. Lucy asked Brad to wait just a little longer. Finally after arguing for a while he agreed. 

Since then Lucy became distant. She always had other plans and didn’t treat Brad with the same love and devotion she used to. One day while they were hanging out at Lucy’s, place and she went to the restroom, Brad needed to check his e-mail, Lucy’s computer was on. To Brad’s surprise, when he woke Lucy’s PC from sleep, the first thing he saw was a chat she was having with someone named “SexxxyBoy69”. She send him pictures of her, her phone number, even the name and address of the restaurant where she worked in. When Lucy came back from the restroom Brad was still reading her chat with “SexxxyBoy69”. Brad’s face turned a very deep red color. He looked like he was about to blow up. Instead of calming him down, Lucy attacked. She yelled at him, telling him that he had no right going through her things, they were not married, she was still a single woman who could do whatever she is pleased. She yelled and yelled and cursed and cursed. Brad yelled back, he told her that screw the fact that they were going out, even as a friend he wouldn’t want her to do this, it was dangerous to give out her info to who ever on the internet, she doesn’t know who she is really giving her info to, it might be a serial killer! 

After their ugly fight Brad left. They were broken off. For weeks he felt terrible. He didn’t understand what went wrong? They were bestest friends that became attracted to each other. They were a match made in heaven. Brad decided to call Lucy. On the next day they were having coffee together. Lucy told him that she loved him, she didn’t know what to do with herself, she was addicted to internet dating. Brad was appalled to find out that she has actually went on dates with the guys she met on line. “If you want us to work, you have to stop.” She promised him she would. They were on again.

Few months went by and they were great. No fights, no arguments, just kisses and hugs. Brad never explained to me why he decided to check on Lucy, but one evening he created a screen name “RockHardJohn” and entered the chat site. Only ten minutes after speaking with “LucyBaby83” he had her phone number, her picture, and an acceptance to a date. Brad decided to open up to her. He told Lucy that it was him all along and that they can’t be together anymore. He told her that as a friend he really is concerned about her. She should really watch out who she gives her personal info to. Lucy never replied. 

It’s been three months since Brad and Lucy spoke. When Brad told me his story I made fun of him: “Just like in High School!” I told Brad. But the more we talked about their relationship the more I felt for him. He didn’t just loose his girlfriend to internet dating, he also lost one of his best friends. Unfortunately internet dating for Lucy was just like a drug addiction, no matter how hard she tried to stop, she kept coming back and sadly there are no rehabs she could check herself into. After all I guess Brad is better off with out her, but is she better off without Brad?

You Have To Be Gentle With Me.

On Lana’s twenty-first birthday we had lots of plans. First we went to dinner at a cute Mexican place by NYU, then for a few drinks at a bar near by, and then we hit the club scene of New York City. It was a girls’ night out and it was eight of us. Lana has recently broken up with her boyfriend of two years and was looking for a fun hook up. 

At the club Lana met Gary. He was a super hot ex hockey player, college grad with his own real state business. Lana has never hooked up with anyone at a club before, but  since she was turning twenty-one and since she was single, she thought why not. She danced the night away with Gary, rarely taking her lips of his. After the club we all invaded a near by diner for some 5AM burgers and French fries. Before we all jumped in cabs Gary took down Lana’s number. “I guess this might be a little more than one night at a club hook up.” – she thought. 

Gary called two days later and asked her on a date. They saw each other two weeks in a row and then he didn’t call for two weeks. Lana thought that was very strange, but then again, she wasn’t looking for anything serious and this way she can have her space and freedom. Plus he was very busy with his business. Then Gary called and again they went out on a few dates and after he disappeared. Valentines day came and she had a date with another guy. While they were having dinner, she felt her phone ring in her purse. She went in to the bathroom. It was Gary. She liked him. So after her date dropped her off she decided to see Gary. They went to a cute café and after they somehow ended up at Gary’s place. One thing led to another…. Both of them got heated….. Clothes came off…. And right when Lana was about to touch him down there something has happened. He twitched and came all over her leg. That was awkward. She didn’t really know what to do at that point. She got up and slowly began to get dressed. That night Lana rushed home. She was convinced that after that Gary would not be calling.

To her surprise he called on the next day. He acted like nothing has happened and everything was perfectly fine. The problem was that she still liked him, he was extremely interesting to have a conversation with, he was funny and sweet, he gave her tons of compliments, he was an amazing kisser and he really was smoking hot. They were seeing each other for another two weeks before they ended up at Gary’s place again. Clothes came off, naked bodies rubbed against each other and then….. again her leg was wet and she hasn’t even touched him. She stared at him. This was a problem. They had to talk about it. “Are you ok?” She asked. “Yeah, I’m fine. You have to be gentle with me.” Gary replied. Gentle? Gentle? She wanted to yell – I didn’t even touch you! But instead she took a deep breath, smiled at Gary, got her things together and left.   

Gary didn’t call for three weeks. She thought that it was definitely over. But then out of nowhere – a phone call. Lana decided that sex should not rule a relationship and maybe if they work on Gary’s problem everything will just be fine. Again Lana was going on dates with Gary. He asked her to go back to his place a few times but she avoided it. “Just for now” – she thought. 

During one of their dates Gary told her that he had to fly out of town for a week but will be back soon and then maybe they can get away for a weekend. Lana loved that idea. That night he took her home, they kissed for a long time and then he left. On the next day she decided to call him and maybe catch him before his flight. She got his voice mail. She left Gary a very sweet message, telling him to have a good flight and that she misses him already and can’t wait for him to get back. 

Gary never called back. A week passed and he never called, two weeks passed, three, a month, two months…. He never called. Lana didn’t understand. If he didn’t want to see her why didn’t he just stop after his incidents at his place? Why drag this out? She was mad, upset, disappointed. She thought that it was unfair for Gary to do this, considering the fact that she was so sweet to him and never made him feel bad about his problem, never mentioned it, and continued seeing him. It’s been few years now since Gary stopped calling. Since then Lana stopped giving guys second chances. If sex sucks or it never happens she walks away and stops answering her phone. Luckily she never heard again – “You have to be gentle with me.”           

Self-Destructor.

Marina and I met in High School. We didn’t have much in common, but for some reason became friends rather quickly. I had all these dreams and hopes for my future, and she kind of lived her life one day at a time. 

After High School we managed to remain very close friends. I went to college, she got a job at a beauty salon. One night she was the only one at the salon and had to close by herself. While she was locking up, one of the gates stock and she couldn’t pull it down. During her fight with the gate she heard someone behind her offer her help. Without even turning around she yelled out: “Yes! Please!” That night she met Max. He was twelve years older than her, smart, sophisticated, with a good job at a bank, divorced and single at that point. Marina fell in love. The beginning of their affair was just like it’s described in cheese love novels that are solved on the shelves of local pharmacies. He bought her flowers, took her out to dinners, on vacations, held her hand and told her how beautiful she was. All of this lasted about three months. And then, one night, while she was visiting one of her girlfriends, everything changed. Max was supposed to pick her up around eleven. He showed up half an hour early demanding her to leave right that second. Marina thoughts something happened so she ran outside and jumped in his car. He was drunk off his ass. He yelled and screamed at her, accused her of sleeping around, cursed at her to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore. At a red light she ran out of the car. That night she took the train home. On the next day he called and called. Left her messages, send her text messages, e-mails, a huge bouquet of roses. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Those were the only words that were coming out of his mouth. She decided to give Max another chance. After all we are all humans, we all get drunk and do and say stupid things. The next few months were amazing again. And then, just like the first time, out of nowhere, same accusations, same ugly words came flying at her. This time he even got a little physical. Marina decide that this time there will be no giving him another chance. This relationship was over. She broke it off. He called and called, waited for her outside of her building, send her flowers, came by her job, but she was firm, they were over. 

Since they broke up she found out why his marriage with his ex wife ended. Apparently he was very abusive and drank a lot. He used to beat her and at one point she’s had enough. She took their daughter, moved out, filed for divorce and for a restraining order. Marina didn’t understand, how can someone be so sweet one day and so horrible the next day. Time flew and one night she ran in to Max at a bar. They talked, drank, one thing led to another and she ended up going home with him. On the next morning she left without even waiting for him to wake up. That was stupid she kept saying to herself, never again. Few weeks went by and she bumped in to him again at a bar. He acted like a total asshole, she grabbed random girls, grinned against them, drank and when she was leaving came up to her, grabbed her by her arm and started cursing at her. She got out of his strong hands and ran out. 

A few weeks later she realized that she was pregnant. She decided that she had to tell him. He called her a liar, told her to leave him alone, that she will never tie him down, she was a dirty slut and there is no way the little bastard she is carrying inside of her was his. Marina cried for two days straight, made an appointment to the doctor and the following week was on her way to get an abortion. She never figured out how did he found out when and where she was going, but when she waked in to the hospital he was there. They had a very long conversation and after all he begged her to forgive him, keep the baby and get married. She agreed. They were on again. Two month flew by and something happened. The baby stopped growing. She had a miscarriage. He was very supportive. The good time didn’t last long. Six months later she came home only to find him drunk of his ass. He beat the shit out of her that night. That’s it. This time it was over. She took all of her things and left. The following friday cops came to her apartment. Apparently Max called the police saying that she keyed his car and threatened to kill him. Marina spent a night in jail. Lawsuit lasted a year. Her lawyer was able to prove that Max’s accusations were absurd. Marina won and filed for restraining order. This time it was definitely over, over forever.

Six months after the lawsuit I bumped in to her at a restaurant. She was with Max. I didn’t know what to say. On the next day I called her: “What are you thinking? Are you seriously back with him? After everything he has done to you?” “So?” that was all she said before hanging up. I was in shock. I didn’t understand how can someone be so stupid. I thought about Marina for a long time and the only thing I could come up with is that she truly had a self destructive personality. Maybe her father used to beat her mother or maybe even her, and now she can’t do anything about this. She is sadly addicted to Max and can’t get away no matter what he does to her. It’s been two years now, and they are still on and off. I stopped saying anything to her, nothing I say will make any difference. Marina is stock in a very dangerous relationship where even her friends don’t know if she will be alive tomorrow. 

Please Stay.

Catalina’s family was from Monteriggioni, a small town in Tuscany. They moved to US right before Catalina was born. When she grew up it didn’t come as a surprise to her family that she loved food and wanted to be a chef. Even though her parents loved their new country, they truly believed that no one cooks like a true Italian. When Catalina finished her sophomore year in college they told her to take a break and send her to study, as they said, real cooking, in Florence, Italy for a year.

Catalina spoke fluent Italian so it wasn’t too hard for her to blend in. She always called that year the best year of her life. She learned how to make home made pasta, meat sauce, marinated veal, and many other authentic Italian dishes including their deserts. Year was coming to an end. Catalina only had a few days before her plane would take off and take her back to America. After her last day of classes she decided to take a walk around Florence before going back to her apartment to pack. It was a hot August day. The air was thick and full of dust. Catalina was beginning to think that maybe this walk wasn’t a very good idea. And then, out of nowhere, just like a night in shining armor, a white Cadillac pulled up next to her. The window rolled down, Catalina’s heart skipped a beat. The culinary school she was attending was owned by one of the most famous restaurants in Florence – Cantinetta il Francescano. Alberto was the head chef in that restaurant. He was gorgeous, smart, funny, amazing chef, rich, and he owned a vinery and now this amazing man was in the car in front of her asking her to dinner. Without thinking twice she got in the car. Alberto has seen Catalina a few times around school. Something in this Italian-American girl has caught his attention.

Alberto gave Cataltina a beautiful bouquet of white roses. She kept pinching her every few minutes. Maybe this is just a dream? Alberto took her to a small restaurant in the hills of Tuscany. That evening Catalina fell in love. They sat at the table in the garden and looked into each other’s eyes. They drank wine and soon she didn’t know if her head was spinning from alcohol, from hot thick air of Tuscany or from a beautiful man sitting in front of her. After dinner they went back to his place. He had a Villa in Monteriggioni. How ironic, she thought. They had more wine, walked around his vineyard, and talked about their very different lives. They watched steaming hot sun set behind hills of Tuscany. Alberto offered to take a swim in his pool. Their first kiss couldn’t have been any more perfect. They kissed in his salt-water pool, under the stars of Italy. Catalina said that that night was pure magic. 

Catalina and Alberto only spend ten hours of their lives together. Before she left, he pulled her close to him: “Please don’t leave. Stay. Stay here with me.” The crazy thing was, that she actually considered staying. But then thoughts of her family, her friends, her life, her career, all of them, like little bugs clouded her head. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” 

Catalina left. Few hour later she boarded the plane and in just eight more hours she was in New York. When Catalina told me the story, the first thing that came to mind was “Why didn’t you stay?” The story just seemed so romantic, it was a true fairy tale. Time passed and Catalina still said the she has found the man of her dreams. His name was Alberto and he lived in Italy. She dreamed of going back to Italy and this time staying with him in his villa. However life gets busy. She had her exams, graduation, interviews for a first job….. time flew and Catalina was still here and Alberto was still there. They wrote to each other for a while, but like it always happens, letter became more and more rare. That sleepy morning, when she was getting ready to leave and Alberto was pulling her back into his bed, maybe she should’ve taken a risk and stayed in Tuscany. Unfortunately she can’t turn back time, and now she will never know the ending to a love story when an American girl stays with the man of her dreams in Italy.

No, I Won’t.

Derek came into my life during my junior year in college. He was a metal head who drank a lot and loved his car. Since I wasn’t single and wanted nothing more than a friend, we hit it off pretty well. Derek had lots of girls…. They came and went. I think the longest relationship he had was with a senior in English department. It lasted about 2 months and then, as usual, his phone calls ended. She wrote him long emails, send text messages, waited for him after his classes, but he was firm. It’s time to move on. 

Another one of Derek’s relationships that stuck in my mind was his very short fling with Victoria. She was a cheerleader, a reporter for Kingsmen, our college paper, a music director at our radio station and one of the sisters of Gamma Beta Gamma. Lets just say she really did have a very busy schedule. Maybe meeting Derek wasn’t such a good thing for her. After just two weeks of seeing Victoria Derek looked exhausted, messy, and angry. Apparently Victoria loved sex. She loved it so much that she wanted to have it all the time. For the past two weeks they had sex on the bed, on the floor, on the table, on the couch, on the chair, in the shower, in a cab, in a closet, in a public bathroom, in a movie theater, in her car…. He looked up at me with his sad puppy eyes: “I can’t handle it anymore. It’s not even the sex, it’s her roughness, she wants to bite and hit and scratch and I’m tiered. I just want to go to sleep!” And that was the end to Victoria. Derek was scared of her. Petrified. However, the fact that Victoria was very well connected within our school did not play in his favor. During several radio shows it was publicly announced that Derek is a homosexual who pretends to like women. He is not to be trusted by anyone. A picture of him passed out in a bathroom with his pants half off after one of crazy parties appeared on the first page of Kingsmen. His library card mysteriously stopped working right before finals. 

Years passed, college ended, our friendship remained as strong as it ever was. One Friday I got a call from him. He met a girl. Only this time it was different. This time he wanted to be with her every free minute he had. He wanted to talk to her on the phone and even bring her home to meet his mom. A new chapter in Derek’s life began, a chapter called Love. Six months later they were still together. Another three months and they moved in together. I was so happy for him. Derek found his better half. 

After they celebrated their three-year anniversary Derek and I were having a beer: “So, I bought a ring.” I chocked: “Seriously?” 

A week later Derek rented a cabin in the Hamptons. On Friday night, over champagne, he got on his knee, took out a little black box and for the first time in his life opened up completely to a girl. 

However real life is far away from a fairy tale. In a fairy tale a princess always says yes. That night Derek’s heart broke in half. Little black box fell on a floor. And for the first time tears filled his eyes.

No. No. No I won’t. No I will not. No. No. No. No. Those were the only words that crammed his head… 

A week has passed and Derek hasn’t left his apartment once. I had to go rescue my friend. I dragged him to a bar and forced him to drink two beers and three vodka shots before I brought up the most painful moment of his life. He had no idea why she said no. The only explanation she gave was that she just wasn’t ready. The thing is that when a right person comes along, you are always ready. Ready to say “Yes I will. I will love you for the rest of my life.” Derek wasn’t her Mr. Right. There was no point to tell him that she just didn’t love him enough. Her answer cleared that up. So I just sat next to my friend helping him drink away his pain one beer at a time. 

Coffee?

My friend Alex was celebrating his 30^th birthday. A small group of us invaded a cozy Mexican restaurant and after the first round of margaritas it was decided that the rest of the night will be spent here. There were only eight of us. After about four margaritas each, conversations got louder, funnier and messier. I was sitting next to Danny. This was the third time I met him. Danny was Alex’s friend from NYU. They were both trust fund babies who spent money like it meant nothing, but never quiet made enough to cover their expenses on their own. 

The last thing I expected was for Danny to open up to me, considering the fact that last two times I met him, he didn’t speak two words to me. This time he casually brought up his morning coffee. 

Danny moved to a new apartment in Soho. A block away form his new cozy one bedroom was a little diner. It all started one morning when Danny was dying for a coffee and some scrambled eggs. Over a hot cup of joe Danny met Natalie, a cute twenty six year old waitress. Maybe there was something in the coffee he had that morning, or the fact that it was a perfect May day in New York City, or maybe the fact that even though Danny was having breakfast by himself, it didn’t feel lonely, but after he left that diner he couldn’t stop thinking about Natalie. 

Danny came back the next day, the day after that, the day after that and the day after that. Every morning Natalie served him a cup of coffee with a smile. They chatted about their days. She was an inspiring actress who moved to New York a year ago from Indiana. Danny told her about his screenplay that he was working on. Every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8:00AM they had a date that never needed to be set up. 

One Wednesday Danny decided to take their relationship to the next level. He was going to ask Natalie on a date outside of their safety zone – the diner. That same Wednesday, while pouring a fresh cup of coffee for Danny, Natalie decided to casually mention that she had a boyfriend. Her and Steve have been dating for about eight months and everything was going absolutely wonderful until last weekend when he went out with his buddies and as he said: “Accidentally made out with another girl.” And just like that Danny realized that he has entered the “friend zone” – the deadly sphere where you can never be anything more than a friend. 

Danny decided to wait this whole thing out. He decided that since Natalie and Steve were going through a rough patch, their relationship won’t last long. And right when Natalie and Steve break up Danny will be right there to console her, take her to dinner, give her roses and completely scoop her off her feet. That was his plan and he was sticking by it. Now it has been six months and he still goes to the diner every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8:00AM and Natalie still brings him a hot cup of coffee with a smile. She is still with Steve. Now, since Danny is in her “friend zone” she tells him all of their problems but yet it seems that their relationship is growing stronger instead of growing weaker.

Danny looked up at me: “What should I do?” Well the first thing that came to mind was “Move on!” But that sounded too harsh. Danny and Natalie will never work out, at least not any time soon. Even if Natalie and Steve break up, she is not going to want to jump into another relationship right away. And now that Danny is in her “friend zone” it will be especially hard for him to get out of that deadly sphere. Danny and Natalie can possibly work out some day, but that will only happen if they don’t see or speak to each other for a few years. That will allow them to make a fresh start. It would probably be best if he changes his coffee spot and stops hurting himself by listening to Natalie and Steve’s problems. 

It took Danny three months to realize that this is going nowhere. And just like that he switched to Starbucks, giving Natalie space to figure out her relationship with Steve. Maybe some day, when Danny is ready, he will go back to the old diner, but for now it’s grande white chocolate mochas every morning. 

A Ring in a FedEx Box.

Robert and I met at my first full time job right out of college. I was working as an office assistant for a pretty large media company. Robert was one of the web designers. We bumped in to each other while I was giving out company T-Shirts. A friendly conversation turned in to “Hi!s” in the mornings, lunch one Wednesday afternoon, another lunch the following week, several early dinners, Friday Happy Hours,  long conversations on the phone, introduction to each other’s friends and finally to a long lasting friendship. He was an artsy guy who highlighted his hair, wore funky button ups with small flowers on them, drank too much and spoke with an Irish accent when he was drunk. 

He met Elizabeth during one of his snowboarding trips to Colorado. She was smart, funny, beautiful – a full package. Only one problem – She lived in Colorado. He lived in New York. 

One Sunday Robert and I were sitting on a bench in Central Park. “What should I do? She is so far away. Will this ever work?” Honestly, I am very skeptical about long distance relationships. They never work for me. I guess I always thought that the whole point of a relationship is to be near that person, to kiss and hug and touch them, walk around holding hands, and eat breakfast in bed with Mimosas on Sunday mornings. However that day I decided that I need to be supportive. I told Robert that if they really feel passionate about each other, this will definitely work out. He just has to wait and see. And he did. He waited three years until he finally brought up “moving in together, moving to a different state” to Elizabeth. It was decided that he is the one who is going to have to move. 

He went to Colorado for a month to get situated, get an apartment, look for a job. One night while I was walking my dog my phone buzzed. “She said yes!” Apparently Robert was doing a little bit more than just getting situated in his new state. He was getting the rest of his life situated with Elizabeth. He proposed to her by writing, “Will you marry me?” on clean white snow outside of her house. Robert sealed the deal with a princess cut one and a half caret diamond ring from Tiffanies.  

A month flew by, Robert came back to New York and soon I found myself in his studio apartment helping him pack into large boxes last ten years of his life in the city. It took us lots of wine, jokes and funky music to stay focused and not get sad over the fact that he was moving away and now I had to prove to him how good and patient I really am when it comes to long distance friendships. 

Three days before Robert’s final departure I got another text message that took me by surprise. “Come now.” Ok. I rushed over. The door to his apartment wasn’t locked. After Robert didn’t answer my knocking, I walked in. Slowly making my way between the boxes I finally reached a dead end. Robert was sitting on a floor. He face was pale. He held a FedEx box. He looked up at me. After seeing a tremendous amount of pain in his eyes, I realized that this will take a while. I plopped down on the floor next to him. 

Elizabeth send back the engagement ring in a FedEx box. She included a yellow posted that read: “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” That was it. Just a ring in a FedEx box and a small post it. I sat next to my friend with a broken heart and held his hand. He kept twisting damn FedEx box. 

While Robert was in Colorado he stayed with Elizabeth. By the end of that month she realized that the reason why she loved their relationship is the fact that it was long distance. She couldn’t bring herself to break up with him over the phone, so she decided to do it in a “long distance style”, by mailing back his Tiffanies ring.

Considering the fact that half of Robert’s stuff was already on the truck on the way to Colorado and that he had to start his new job the following Monday, he had no choice but move. I hugged him good bye and made him promises to call me every day. Just like that my friend was gone. He didn’t last long in Colorado. Two years later he was back in New York. He still has that FedEx box as a reminder to never get into a long distance relationship. Now, he only uses UPS.

Come Crash My Guys’ Night.

After being in New York for many years I decided that I needed a break. Los Angeles here I come. I got a job at a small Real State firm in West Hollywood. Bree was one of the real states agents there and she welcomed me with a warm smile and a few drinks after work. She was originally from California and has had this job for about four years. She was twenty-seven, single and slowly getting tiered of LA dating scene. 

About a year ago she met Bobby. He was a cop, tall handsome with a broad chest that would be so nice the lay on, plump lips and cute dimples when he smiled. At that time Bobby was going through a very sticky and messy divorce. Bree and Bobby tried to arrange a date several times but it just kept getting canceled or pushed back and finally they stopped trying.  

A month ago they ran into each other at a mutual friend’s party. Finally Bobby decided to set the record strait and ask Bree on a date. On the day they were going out Bobby called. He had to work a morning shift and then he was coming to pick Bree up, only one thing can he take a shower at her place? Bree got goose bumps. Should she maybe not put a towel in the bathroom so he has to come out naked, wet, super sexy and ask for one? Her fantasies lasted all day until it was finally 6:00 pm. He was running late, so the shower never happened. However he did come into her apartment and without asking pulled out his gun, opened a drawer, which happened to be her underwear drawer, and put the gun in there. Bree turned bright red. They had dinner at a very romantic Italian restaurant where Bobby showed off his knowledge of wine and ordered a very nice cabernet. After dinner they went to a movie and after that Bobby took her home. He, again, opened the drawer and a while he was getting out his gun a pair of pink thong flew out and landed on the floor. This time Bobby was the one who turned red. Bree walked him to the door. They got into the awkward hug/kiss situation and then he left. 

Bobby called, emailed and texted “Hey sexy”, “Miss you”, “Thinking about you” and other cute sentences the following week. When Friday came Bree got another text from him: “Hey I’m having a guys’ night on Saturday but it would be so amazing if you would crash it. My buddies would never know.” 

On Saturday Bree got her girlfriends together and for the first time in her life crashed a guys’ night out. There was a lot of alcohol involved… shots, beer, more shots, more beer, more shots and more shots. By the end of the night it made total sense to go home with Bobby, and she did.  

The following week Bobby didn’t call as much, but next Saturday he had a boys’ night out again and wanted her to crush it one more time. Bree didn’t know what was it about him that just drove her crazy. She decided whatta hell and at midnight showed up at the same bar. Again there were shots and beer and more shots and more beer, and again there was a steaming hot night at Bobby’s apartment. The following two weeks Bobby hasn’t called or texted. His email after two and a half weeks was unexpected. Yet again he was having a boys’ night out. Yet again he wanted her to crash it. That night Bree went out with her girlfriends and they all stayed far away from the bar where Bobby was drinking beer after beer. He never asked her on another date. It’s been more than a month now and Bree gets a text or an email form him once in a while. She tries to convince herself that she has completely given up on him, but she still wonders why after such a romantic date he has never asked her on another one.

She asked my opinion and I didn’t know how to say hurtful words. “He is just not that into you….” There was no chase. Getting Bree into bed was easy. Bobby didn’t even have to try. Maybe crashing his guys’ night for the second time wasn’t a good idea? Maybe sleeping with him after his guys’ night wasn’t a good idea? Maybe it would’ve been better to go on a second date before going back to his place? Or maybe no matter what she would’ve done it wouldn’t have made a difference. Bobby’s attraction disappeared very quickly leaving Bree wondering what did she do wrong. The truth was that she didn’t do anything wrong. Bobby just got divorced he wasn’t ready for anything serious, he got exactly what he wanted – some shots, fun times with his boys and a quick fling with a hot girl.